"it's a girl!"

Probably a lot of people were not surprised when we announced that the child we are adopting is a girl, but it actually is quite a coincidence.  Most of the children currently available for international are boys -- also, many are older than toddlers, and many have special needs.

The reasons that girls are placed for adoption, rather than boys, have been fading.  Many of the mothers placing children are doing so for reasons that are irrespective of gender, and sometimes age: poverty; the child has a medical need which the parent cannot meet; the widowed mother has remarried and the new husband will not accept the child; single mothers are strongly ostrasized in their society (tragically, this can mean widows as much as unmarried girls); poverty; the parent needs to leave some of her children in order to find work to support other children; and even more poverty.  Personally, in the last year I have read and heard many, many sad stories of families who felt they had no choice but to separate, and I have not seen any that had any reasons specific to the gender of the child.  In the cases where the mother kept some of the children, she kept the older ones because they were more self-sufficient.

Many of our natural assumptions about internationally adopted children come from the Chinese system, since there are so many girls adopted from China in this country.  However, the Chinese system has been dramatically changing, and those assumptions aren't even true any more for Chinese adoptions.  There are actually twice as many boys as girls available for international adoption from China right now!  This bias is true in many other countries, as well.  In the country adoption guidelines, several programs state that you are not allowed to request a girl unless you already have a son and no daughters (or even only if you have two sons and no daughters); other programs do not allow requesting a girl; others note that the wait time will double for those requesting girls.  I didn't see any limitations on parents who want boys!

Why is this change?  One of the biggest differences is that Chinese people are adopting children in their own country, and they want girls.  I don't have any other statistics, but I personally think it's because everyone wants girls.  Why?  Maybe because parents enter the process assuming they are going to get a girl.  Maybe because mothers-to-be are often the ones driving the adoption process, and mothers tend to prefer girls.  Maybe it is because some people feel more comfortable with raising a girl who is a minority race, but feel less comfortable about a boy -- many of our violent and negative stereotypes are about men of minority race.  Maybe it's because when you walk into a store, there is twice as much "girl stuff" as "boy stuff" -- and nothing at all that is just "kid stuff!"  I think girls are currently being idealized and glorified in our culture: they're the princesses, smart in school, better behaved, daddy's darling, fun to do hair together, tomboys and girly-girls, good at everything boys are good at, sporty and sweet. 

When we entered this adoption process, I knew that there were more boys than girls looking for homes.  Of course I would like a daughter, but I absolutely and deeply love my little boy, and I can't imagine over-looking that wonderful relationship because of his gender!  I was completely prepared for raising a houseful of boys.  After we chose our program, it was a surprise and a simple coincidence that when we were looking for a match all the children available were girls.


So I guess God chose us a daughter this time around!!