Thankfulness

Thankfulness.

It has been popular among some of my Facebook friends, especially at my church, to do a post about something they are thankful for each day of November, as a spiritual practice.  I believe deeply in the spiritual practice of thankfulness, and it's something that I try to incorporate into our daily family life.  I meant to do the "30 Days of Thankfulness" challenge, but clearly I am mildly organizationally challenged, and have not gotten to posting on Facebook each day.  But every time I see the posts it reminds me to say my own little prayer of joy, and I wanted to write down some of the things I think about.  Writing in general is about working through our challenges, and I hope by writing this blog I can tell stories that encourage others to work through their challenges as well.  But it is also important to stop and write down the words of strength, blessing, and power.

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I am thankful to live in this place in the world.  I am thankful for the beauty that God creates around me each day.  God made beauty everywhere in the world, and I am thankful for that as well, but I am glad that fate set me down in this place.  I love watching the seasons change; I love that I don't know what the weather will be next; I love our long gardening season; I love the cool and rainy days as much as the sunny and inviting ones.  The differences make me more grateful for everything.  In this place in the world, I am thankful to be within a few hours' drive of the ocean, the mountains, and the high desert.  I love each of these places for their own reasons.  I am thankful that we can camp in the summer and explore more of our world.  I am thankful that there are so many places to explore and discover within driving distance of our home.  And this moment, I am thankful for the beauty of the leaves, and the yellow beech tree outside my bedroom window.  And the icicles that hung off each leaf, transforming the landscape, which we were blessed with yesterday.

I am thankful for the community where we live, as well.  I am thankful for my individual friends, and also our church home, where I feel involved and welcome.  I am thankful for all the ways and places that embrace my children and their needs: I feel incredibly blessed to have a school that fits their unique educational needs, and moreover is loving and supportive to them as human beings -- all of which, AND they are well organized!  I am thankful for our local support group for adoptive families.  I am thankful that we have options for classes and learning for our children: I am thankful that we can choose a dance studio based on positives, not just finding one that doesn't play skanky music for little girls; I am thankful that we have options to choose horse riding, gymnastics, and other opportunities for the children to exercise their bodies and minds.  I am also thankful for the professionals in our community.  I am thankful that we have a pediatrician who is respectful of my choices as a mother; I am thankful that we can find counseling and therapy solutions that are appropriate to help our children work through their challenges.

I am thankful for the nature all around us.  I am thankful that I can take the dogs out on the trails near our house, and that those trails are surrounded by trees, and mist, and the blooming and fading flowers of the different seasons.  I love the trilliums and trout lilies which appear for only a few weeks in the early spring; every year they are like a special treat from nowhere, and they remind me both that life is fleeting and precious, and also amaze me with how well they are adapted to live and thrive in such a specific environment.  I am thankful for the orchards and farms near our home, and that we can eat fresh produce grown from our own fertile land.  Nature truly is a place of calm that restores our souls.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have lived in different places in the world.  I have lived on different sides of America, and I have lived for at least some time on three different continents.  I have learned and grown with each new place, and the chance to live in other areas has given me a deeper appreciation and joy for being where I am now.

I especially am thankful for the chance to live in Uganda.  I never planned on it, and I might not have made the choice to spend so long there if I had known what it would entail.  But no amount of reading or spending time simply traveling or visiting can give you the same deep appreciation of a new place, than truly committing yourself to a new place.  It was difficult to be away from my own culture, but when my only associates were Ugandans, I learned a deeper level of friendship.  When I close my eyes, I can still feel the golden warmth on my skin, still taste the red dirt in the air, the constant smells and sounds that are so different from our polite and purifed life in America.  I am thankful to have made some part of Africa, into some part of me.

I am thankful for so many of the small things around my home, all the things of beauty and memory.  I am thankful for my bed which is both pleasant to look at and comfortable.  I am thankful for the antique *** in the dining room, which is useful, lovely, and gives a special feeling to our home.  I am thankful for the pictures of my family on the walls, and holding tight to each little memory.  I am thankful for the mementos of our travels and our special times together: a plate from Italy, boats and drums representing different cultures.  I am thankful for our painted walls, which are beautiful, and which I created in the time before I had children, when I was imagining a house full of children.

I am thankful for clothes to wear, which make me feel both pretty and confident.  I used to try to move beyond trying to be pretty, but as I have learned more honestly to assess myself, I have become a more complete person by accepting my face, my body, and my desire to feel good about myself.  I am thankful for friends and for systems that have helped me figure out what to wear to feel good about myself, and I am thankful for plenty of second-hand stores in town so I can have the fun of shopping without investing too much money in clothes!  I am also thankful for my children's clothes.  They are warm, comfortable, and help them feel attractive and joyful in their bodies -- also I am thankful for the big consignment sales in our community which allow me to do a season's worth of children's shopping at one time, and for a very reasonable price!  I hope that these tools, both the outer accoutrements and the inner wisdom that I am gaining, will help me to teach my children about loving and taking care of their bodies.  I hope to be able to teach my daughters to honor and respect their physical selves, and my son to be able to identify and be drawn to the way inner beauty reflects on the outside of a woman.  I am grateful for a community of women, both near and far, who are supporting my journey towards beauty; both those who advise me, and some wonderful women of color who have stepped up to offer special words of encouragement to my daughters.

I am thankful to be an American.  I spent many years disappointed in many things about my country, or envious of the history and culture of other countries.  I think much of that is youthful idealism, and that over-idealizing any country does not help to work to improve it.  But going through the process of adoption helped me to focus on what I really appreciate: our country is  made up of so many different kinds of people, from many backgrounds, many colors, many cultures, many thought processes.  Our country is still more welcoming than many to new immigrants who come to appreciate the opportunities we have to offer, and as they come they strengthen America and give so many opportunities to learn and grow to those of us who already live here.

I am thankful for our health.  Although each of us in our family has one or two weaknesses in our body, they do not interfere with our daily lives.  We are each strong enough to go hiking, to hug each other and run and create.  We have not been struck with any serious illness, and if one of us were, I am also deeply thankful for the medical care to which we have access.  There are serious problems and stressors with medical care (and the opportunity to access it) in America, but at least it is present.  And many doctors, nurses, and other people involved in medicine are truly helpful and doing their best to connect as human beings and help us be well.


And at this point, I could go on and on and on.... each time I think about something that I am thankful for, it reminds me of something else, and I look around and think of something else.  I am thankful the education and opportunities I have; I am thankful for the people who have raised me or who affected me in my youth; I am thankful for our warm home and running water; I am thankful for small things in life and ones so large I know I cannot fully comprehend them.  I don't think anyone will keep reading if I keep writing all night long!  But every single one of these items that I mentioned are things that I think about every day -- and I do mean every day.  Maybe on one day I won't think so hard about being an American and another day I might not think quite so hard about my furniture, but my daily litany of thankfulness is too long to write down.

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So I will end with the bedrocks of thankfulness.

I am thankful that we have enough money to make choices.  I recognize that so many of the other blessings come from the power that power.  Yes, there are many blessings that are free -- but the space and mental freedom to enjoy them is directly related to having enough money to first enjoy security.  We still have to worry about where we are going to spend our money, or how to plan for things in the future, but I know it is such an incredible blessing, that we know for sure that we have the basics in our lives: food, shelter, transportation.  And that because we are secure in those things, all of us -- children and adults -- can dedicate our energy to higher mental and emotional processes.
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I am thankful for my family.  Every single day, so many times a day, I look around at each of them and I am so thankful to have each of them around me.  I am thankful for my cat, KC, whose fur is so soft.  I am thankful for my dogs, their unwavering devotion and how they inspire me to be outside and active every day.  I would not take care of myself nearly so well if they weren't there to remind me, and I don't need to sigh about my babies growing up and away from me when my dogs are happy to fill that role for the rest of my life.

I am thankful for Sunflower, who made me into a mother.  I don't think I ever would have gone on the journey I have been through since, if it weren't for that love that has transformed me.

I am thankful for Buttercup, and her sweetness and gentle personality.  I am daily amazed how different she is from the other children, and she fills a unique role in our family.

I am thankful for Hibiscus.  Every day with her is full of challenges, but she shines with such a brilliant light.  It is my honor to be her mother, and have the chance to guide her through her life.

I am thankful for my husband.  We are similar and different enough to compliment and balance each other.  I am thankful for the times when he supports me and we work as a team to run our household and raise our family, and I am thankful for the times when we are able to sit down and talk, and we always have new things to say to each other.  And I look back and forward with thankfulness at the trips we have shared and the new experiences in our future!  As much as my children take my time, energy, and physical love, my marriage and my husband is the heart of my family.  I am thankful to have such a good life partner, and that our love keeps growing and deepening as the years pass.

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And I am thankful for God and the divine, and that every day and every year offers the chance to deepen my understanding and faith.  I would not have enough strength or courage to continue every day without knowing that some One much deeper is sustaining me.  When I am worn out and frustrated, and yet still find patience and love for my children, it is because He is pouring it through me.  I can manage to see this difficult journey of motherhood -- and personhood -- with fulfillment and joy, because through God I see it as a journey and not a destination.  I do not expect myself to be perfect already, because I know my entire life is a journey towards the "me" that God has dreamed for me.  I can take a deep breath and forgive myself at the end of the day, because I know that God has forgiven me first.

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While writing this, I keep thinking of more things for which I am thankful.  I remember them and am joyful in my life every single day.