Our first family day

Our First Family Day

(Of course, the "first" part assumes there will be more...)

Today we spent half the day together: Emerson, Hibiscus, Buttercup and I, without another couple dozen children or surrounded by the walls of the orphanage.  It was a very simple adventure; we just had a doctor's appointment and lunch.

The appointment-ness itself is kind of amusing.  Yesterday afternoon Emerson and I went over to the medical center right near our apartment, and I enquired about getting an appointment.  This was clearly the incorrect word, but I couldn't think of anything else to call it, so after several repititions the receptionist decided I must be pregnant (which sounds kind of like "appointment" if you say it in a funny accent, I guess), which about made me burst out laughing.  It sounds like no one makes appointments, you just wander in, and maybe the doctor is there and you see here sooner or later, but to bring the children here I needed something more clear.  He fetched the doctor herself, who said I could bring the girls "tomorrow morning."  I wondered if the time was any more specific, and she added "10 o'clock or after."  But with all that vagueness, when we walked in this morning the receptionist immediately said "you have an appointment" and we were brought directly in to the doctor.

Today is also Emerson's half-birthday, and he's been getting very excited about that.  I suggested that we might have some cake, because it seemed like it might be possible, and later I saw some for sale where we buy our bread.  So once Emerson was ready this morning (he is getting to bed and waking up later and later; the Ugandans eat late, but Emerson seems to have missed the part about napping for the afternoon), we went down to the market area near our house and bought some cupcakes, then brought them back to our apartment.  Then we walked up to the orphanage to fetch any medical records and Buttercup.  She appeared, dressed in an unusually coordinating and well-fitting outfit, which involved no pajamas.  She was obviously also told to expect something special, because she was looking out for me and smiled at us.  Buttercup's smiles go something like this: pause -- stare -- blink --- SMILE!

I put the paperwork in my bag and Buttercup in the ring sling, and we headed out again.  Buttercup has probably never or hardly been out of the orphanage gates since she arrived several months ago, so she was looking around in her quiet way but very intently, turning her head at each new noise.   The people along this lane must be getting used to watching Emerson and I pass, but I notice that I got a very different set of stares carrying one of their own babies along!  Although that could have been the sling, too; I've noticed the people here are very intrigued and amused at any other way of carrying children than the ways that they all use.

We walked down to the bigger road, off of which are located Hibiscus' school, our apartment, and the medical center, and down to the school office.  The office workers know me, and when I explained that I needed to pick her up, they assigned me a guide to the classroom, saying "this lady needs to get her daughter," which gives me a funny little thrill to hear!  Hibiscus knew we were coming, and was as delighted as any child who gets to leave school for a special errand -- as was her entire class, which all turned out to mill around us and see where we were going!

One of the interesting discoveries of the day was watching the sisters together.  In the orphanage, I see them interact occasionally, but I guess their personal relationship is subsumed in the dozens of relationships going on.  With just the three children, I could see how excited Hibiscus was to see her sister, and she went out of her way to comfort her, to help her wash up and so forth, and make sure that she got her fair share of everything.  In return, Buttercup chirped back at Hibiscus in her little voice, and carefully imitated what she was doing.

Which is closely related to another interesting discovery, which is that Emerson got to see the fun side of having siblings around.  With our visits to the orphanage, he's gotten to experience a lot of the sharing-mama side, which is not very fun at all.  Now, he had someone to play with while waiting around, and someone to chase and be silly while walking along, and someone else who thought that absurd things are funny at the lunch table.  I'm going to have to adapt to a LOT higher noise level around the house!

The doctor's visit went fine -- although I probably need to note that the consultation cost 5,000 Ugandan shillings, which is a little over $2.  I paid about $25 for each girl, which included the complete payment for the consultation, the lab fees, and several medications each.  And also, that my estimate that Buttercup was about 20 pounds was spot-on perfect!  Naturally, plenty of waiting was involved, and all three children were somewhere between crabby and crazy by the time we left -- Buttercup in a very subtle manner, the older two not subtley at all!  

Next we walked next door to our apartment for lunch.  I'm sure that bringing the girls to my house isn't officially proper, and that I shouldn't have even been able to take them to the doctor by myself, but by now I have observed that basically nothing at this orphanage is run in the officially proper way at all, so I felt no guilt about it whatsoever.  Besides, I figured that if they are later going to come here and live with us, they will feel more comfortable and confident if they have visited our home already.  

The visit was a joy, in the way that often the most simple things about being with children are the most joyful.  Both girls were so fascinated and delighted to come here, and Emerson was so excited and proud to show them around.  Their eyes were just so sparkly; there is no way to describe it.  Buttercup quickly started playing with the toys in the living room while Hibiscus explored farther afield.  She was so incredibly fascinated with the flush on the toilet that I gather she had never seen one before!  (Normal sitting toilets are fairly common here, although not quite as much as squat toilets, but something is usually long-since broken and they are "flushed" with a bucket of water from a spigot.)  Then she became intrigued with the light switches, and flitted around like a little butterfly, jumping on furniture to reach all the switches and see what they operated.  Then she would point to the light and cry "mommy, look!"

I made them bowls of mixed fruit for lunch, with a little yogurt on the side.  (Hibiscus saw me mix them together, so she mixed hers too!)  Emerson exclaimed that he had no silverware, so I brought all three children forks.  I haven't seen them using silverware at the orphanage, but the children diligently used them for the entire meal.  I assume they do use silverware sometimes, but I'm not sure if they were so dedicated to silverware because they thought it was polite, or if it was simply fascinating.  I suspect the latter for Buttercup, who was very serious in her fork-weilding, although most of the time she poked it into the food, pulled it straight out with nothing on it, and licked it thoughtfully.  She drank her yogurt from a cup, and the top rim of the cup got yogurt on her forehead.  The older children thought this was the funniest thing ever, and egged each other on in laughing while Buttercup smiled gently and returned to her yogurt.  Emerson got so excited he started smearing yogurt on random parts of his face to make Hibiscus laugh even harder -- it was definitely a more exciting lunch than he usually has with me!

Then we ate the cupcakes and Emerson insisted we sing Happy Birthday, which the girls knew, although I'm sure they have not the slightest conception of half-birthdays and why we were singing!   We don't even know how old Buttercup is, least of all when their half-birthdays might be!

After some wandering and playing (including her third trip to the amazing toilet), Hibiscus flitted over to the sink.  She ended up washing all the dishes, wiping off the table, and then later carefully and neatly making the bed.  I'm not sure what was her motivation.  It could be that those were her chores or the household routine before she came to the orphanage, and she was simply following what she thought was expected.  It could be that it is fun for a little girl to play Mommy and do household chores involving lots of soap bubbles, especially when she hasn't had the chance for months.  I hope she isn't trying to prove to me that she is useful and helpful, in hopes that I will decide to keep her.

By then Emerson had wandered upstairs with the neighbors, and the girls into the bedroom.  Hibiscus wanted to pretend to sleep in our bed, and wanted to boost Buttercup in too, and I climbed in next to them.  They lay there, Hibiscus curled on her side, taut as a live wire, peeking at me sidelong to see if she was being too mischievious, and thrilled that she wasn't being evicted.  Buttercup, on the other hand, lay on her back, her tummy filled like a giant balloon, smiling vaguely and all ready for her afternoon nap.  I thought having them fall asleep there wasn't quite the right idea, but before I could work too hard to move them Hibiscus had decided she needed everyone out in order to make the bed in a perfect and precise way anyway.

They played for a few more minutes before I decided that it was really time to go back.  I didn't think that anyone really cared where we were, but thought it was better to get back before someone started worrying about it.  Extracating them from out house was quite a challenge.  As far as I could tell, Buttercup mostly didn't want to put down her toy and didn't think too much more of it, but Hibiscus knew that putting on her shoes meant going back to the orphanage, and she wanted to stay here with all her heart and soul.  Just like Emerson with his "just one more" she kept showing me that she needed to look at one more toy, open it, rearrange it, but her gestures had taken on a different, more chaotic turn than the playful but thorough way she had been playing the rest of the day.  (In fact, I was impressed that she hadn't tried to grab and touch every toy in the house first thing.)  Finally, I got Buttercup ready, and was debating whether to pick up Hibiscus and move her next to her shoes, when she folded in on herself with tears pouring down her face.  Then I did pick her up, and sat on the couch with her, and comforted her as best I could.  I need to make sure tomorrow, that the orphanage workers have made it clear what is going on in her situation; that I CAN not just bring her home, and that it has nothing to do with whether I like her or she's a good girl.  

Eventually, she started wondering where Emerson was, and the idea of going upstairs to find him intrigued her and she bolted off my lap.  I got all the shoes and packs out our apartment door and locked it behind me while all three children were busy on the stairwell, which ended the debate about which way we were going!  However, Hibiscus still managed to walk at an amazingly sedate pace all the back!

She started talking about chapatis, and this got everyone excited.  I don't want to make too much of our relationship about buying treats, but a chapati is a pretty minor one and a pretty healthy one, especially since now it was well after 2.  So I bought us chapatis, and the older kids munched theirs on the way back, which perhaps made it less painful walking!  I shared one with Buttercup, since she seemed to have eaten until she was about ready to burst already.  What is really amazing is that when we did arrive back at the orphanage, they appeared happy to give them lunch although the other children had finished, and when we were leaving both girls were tucking into their third lunch of the day!

Hibiscus' sad moods depart as dramatically as they arrive, and by the time we  the orphanage she was chatting with a friend and seemed as happy as a lark.   But still, her desire to settle in with a home and family is as clear as day and as powerful as a river.  What was also striking today was how much more easy and natural both children were at our home.  Hibiscus settled into a task smoothly and with concentration, instead of darting about.  Minor disputes did not immediately awaken her defensiveness.  Buttercup was also much more confident and focused in her play, and not only did she smile much more often, but I saw a number of other expressions cross her face.  I heard her little voice chirping along with us on a number of occasions.  As their first time in a dramatically new place, I'm sure neither of them were at their truly natural behavior, but the difference between this and what I see at the orphanage is night and day.

The day was a treat for all of us.  We got to learn a little bit about what it means to be together and work together. I got to feel the logistics of moving around with three little children.   I think Emerson got to feel what it means to get to play with siblings.  I think the whole idea started to become real to Buttercup, since it involved a meal and a bed!  I think both girls became able to trust me a little bit more.  And I think Hibiscus has a new, more concrete direction for all her goals and prayers right now!