Kids Together

MARRIAGE:

Emerson: I know!  When I grow up, Hibiscus is going to be the mom for me.

Mama: What do you mean?

Emerson: I'll be the daddy, and she'll be the mama.

Mama: You mean she'll be your wife?  Sweetie, you can't marry your sister.  You have to marry someone else.

much later....

Emerson: I figured it out!  When I grow up, Mama, YOU can be my wife.

Mama: I don't think you can marry your mother OR your sister, honey.

Emerson: But I don't know anyone else!

(Let's remember this one in another 15 years or so.....)

DISCIPLINE:

The issue: Buttercup needs to sit in her chair, on her pillow, to eat, instead of standing up, because when she stands up she ends up falling off the chair.

Hibiscus's Ugandan method:

1. Say "tula wainse ---" and a bunch of other words in a hissing and angry tone of voice

2. Repeat more loudly.

3. Threaten "nja cucuba"

4. Follow through on threat and slap Buttercup, then push her into sitting position while she cries, where she remains.

Mama's Gentle Discipline method:

1. Calmly say "tula wainse, Buttercup; sit down."

2. Say "tula wainse, or you are all done eating."

3. Say "you are not sitting down, tula wainse, so I think you are all done."

4. Remove Buttercup from chair and put her on floor.

Buttercup suddenly looks concerned and cries.

5. "You want more, Buttercup?  More eating?"  Buttercup stops crying and nods and says "mo!"

6. "More food, then tula wainse."  Put Buttercup back in chair, where she sits calmly for the rest of the meal, because she actually does want to eat.

And you know what?  Hibiscus absolutely FLIPPED OUT at step #4.  Apparently removing children from their food is about the worst possible fate one can offer, significantly worse than the "beating" that "cucuba" warns about.  She also looks totally stunned when Buttercup ends up obeying me without getting hit.

PROTECTION AND GUIDANCE, 6-YEAR-OLD STYLE

Hibiscus has had a great deal of responsibility for protecting and teaching her sister over her lifetime, although different adults have provided some assistance at various times.  Hibiscus currently varies between being relieved that she gets to do something interesting and leave the job to me, and being unsure that she can trust me and that she'd better do it all herself.  Such as the scenario above.  Hibiscus's love and attachment, let alone physical protection, has certainly served Buttercup well and she is in better shape than if no one had been trying to meet her emotional and physical needs.  But you can see why she is ready to attach to actual adult parents!

We were at the pool.  On our previous visit, Buttercup had fallen in the water and was a little wary of getting in, not to mention it was frickin' COLD out.  Hibiscus had been in and out for a couple of hours, and was all ready to grab Buttercup and throw her in to have just as much fun as she was having, but I kept intervening.  She would have thrown me in too, if she thought she could!

Finally, Buttercup sat on the edge and kicked her feet in the water happily.  Hibiscus encouraged her to slip into the water (which is about knee-high on me), and then they both held onto the edge and kicked their feet.  So far, Buttercup was giggling and successful, so Hibiscus told her to copy the next thing that she herself loved to do: a kind of headfirst swan dive forward into a breast stroke.  Which is a lot of fun for a water-loving six-year-old in shallow water, but for a two-year-old with significant gross motor delays in comparatively deep water, that's kind of like asking her to jump facefirst straight to the bottom of the pool

Which she promptly did.