The long awaited day has arrived, and yesterday Gramma and Bubba stepped off the airplane and into our arms! Everyone is full of excitement and love. It is exactly two months from the girls' first night in our home.
Hibiscus was proud of herself for rolling one of the giant suitcases to the car and she's been following Gramma around like a little bug. Gramma and Bubba are pleasantly surprised that they haven't seen any of the disastrous behavior they had been expecting! Her devotion opens the opportunity for Gramma to teach her all kinds of new things, while she listens attentively and adoringly. Some of these are fun bonuses like what the suits on cards are called, and some of them are things like some table manners and how to clean yourself properly, that I haven't felt ready to embark upon with her. I've felt like our relationship has too many things that I'm telling her to do, that that my position is to hold the boundaries of appropriate behavior absolutely firm. I haven't wanted to push into telling her to do things that I'm not ready to fight about, but now she has a totally new relationship and has emotional room to listen and imitate.
Buttercup was ready to sit on Gramma's lap on the car ride home, and today she's following everyone around and bouncing up and down, and winning hearts with her general adorableness. I still can't believe this is the passive, withdrawn, giant-bellied shell of a child I met a few months ago! Her grandparents are impressed by her ability to imitate everything, her tiny little precise drawings, and most of all, her vast repertoire of songs and lyrics.
Emerson has fallen right back into his loving relationship with his grandparents, but they've noticed some new confidence and maturity. Gramma was amazed that he let her wash his hair without screaming, and this morning he woke up and tumbled right into their bed, instead of wanting to see them but waiting at the door. However, they don't notice that he's gotten any bigger!
And as for me -- I just can't explain how nice it is to have a normal conversation, in normal English! (I know I should be open-minded, and that African English is a genuine dialect, but sometimes it jars my ears as just plain WRONG!) And when I made lunch, Gramma spelled me toasting the bread while I ate mine, and then Bubba cut the watermelon up. Those little things are so amazing -- I could sit down to eat and converse! And it's a relief to talk about the girls knowing that our conversation are natural and private. Big things seem smaller when you can laugh about them a little!
And the stuff.... oh my, those wonderful suitcases full of STUFF!! Bubba couldn't believe that we needed all this -- and okay, I can admit that some of it isn't "need." But I packed for a two-month trip almost a year ago (when we thought we were leaving in February) and our normal things are wearing thin. Literally. The fabric on all three of my wear-able skirts is disintegrating, the medical kit is getting used up, Buttercup is exploding out of the clothes that used to fit, the art supplies are getting too sparse to share three ways. And as for the plastic golf kit they are currently batting around the lawn.... yes, getting three children to play outside is a NEED!
Also, cheese. Chocolate chips. Baking pans. Almonds. ALMONDS!!!! I could hardly stop nibbling them last night, except I didn't want to nibble them up. I really, REALLY miss tree nuts, and I also miss the healthy protein and fat they add to our diet. My parents have noticed that I'm skinnier than I used to be, too... eating all vegetables and rice will do that to a person!
And more wraps! With Monday's bonanza they are all arriving at once, which wasn't really the plan, but after the post office fiasco I think in-a-suitcase is by far the best point of entry! Two of them I ordered and had shipped, and I'm really relieved to add a long wrap and a short one to my stash, and then there are two more that an on-line friend is loaning to me. All wraps have very different wearing qualities, depending on how they are woven and what the materials are -- some are bouncey, some are strong, some are hot, some are thin, some are cushy on the shoulders -- and getting to trade and borrow wraps is one of those little treats that I really miss, being over here. It will be such fun to get to try out a couple unique wraps for a couple of weeks, and it also feels loving and special that someone carefully picked these out knowing my needs and preferences! I will get to wrap love and attention from home all around myself every day, like a wonderful hug that I can hold and hold.
Bedtime. I've been longing for some help at bedtime for so long, apparently, that I put my help out of business! By now I have bedtime down to something between a science and a military drill, although if you were watching the naked kids swing off the bedposts and land on their faces on the other mattress, screaming with laughter and egging each other on, it probably wouldn't put you immediately in mind of the military! Tooth-brushing from youngest to oldest, baths from oldest to youngest (but Buttercup's bath in the morning), Emerson's hair every other night, put your pajamas under your pillow and find them yourself, boom-boom get Buttercup ready and pop her into the wrap. We turn on and off certain lights at certain times, the kids lay in the same places to read books, and I even read the books they pick out in the same order each night (Buttercup first, Emerson last, because he's in the middle by the other two systems!). I didn't even know what to do with the extra hands! Luckily, my mother is a very mom-ish sort of grandmother, and she figured it out herself. She bathed the older kids and helped with their pajamas, which I usually make them do themselves. They both reveled in the extra attention and touches. Extra touches is more than just a bonus right no, for these emotionally raw children, and Buttercup spending hours a day in a wrap is the only one getting "filled up" with loving touch.
Adventure. Since Daddy left, I've barely taken the big kids out of Ggaba! In that first week, we hired a car to get paperwork and went to the swimming pool once, but since they started school we have just been going to school and back, from a combination of their exhaustion and my own. But I want the children to learn to love their native (or newly adopted) country, and they'll see more to love if they get to see something at all! We are planning some small trips to cultural sites and the zoo and a big trip to a National Park. I was feeling a little luke-warm about seeing sites that I visited with Emerson, and again when my husband was here, for the third time, and then I remembered how little children learn by repetition. You see new places on vacation once, but you see your own local sites over and over again, so we can afford to have the Kabaka's palace and the downtown gardens become repetitive.
And we're planning a big safari! We'll go to Murchison Falls, which is the other major park, and spend a couple days in the nearest town, a couple days in the forest reserve, and a couple days in the savannah park near the waterfalls. (It's actually not really what I would think of as a "safari," but that's what all the people call it here.) It will be expensive and complicated, but I think it will be worth it. The last trip made a big impression on the children, and they still pretend to be lions and point out all the birds they see every day ("look at the blue one! take a picture, Mama, get the camera right now!" for an ordinary small bird at ten yards - but it is pretty!). The grandeur of the landscape and the animals deeply touched all three children. As we drove through the rolling hills, Hibiscus looked out the window and exclaimed "WON-dah-fulll!", which was the one English word of beauty she had at the time, her whole body quivering and her face alight.
One day, when the girls are struggling with their identity and feeling worried or ashamed about "being different" in so many ways, I want them to have memories of these spectacular green terraced hills and majestic lions in the grass; and not just the slums of Bbunga and being hungry, the trash in the streets and getting chased by stray dogs. Some people spend huge amounts of money and time to come all the way here, and I want the children to have memories of the Uganda that draws them.
And meanwhile, the children get to be surrounded by love, love, love! Three adults for three children -- what luxury! And they get to hear more language, get different explanations for their questions, learn some things that I wouldn't bother to teach, and watch some normal, healthy adult interactions. Being alone with three children in a foreign country is hard for me, but this is a hard time in each of their lives, too. They each have major changes and major challenges in their lives right now, not just in our family but in language and school relationships and physical expectations. For each of them the new expectations are a little different, but they are all dramatic. I can't buffer them from very much, and I can't even give them the space and quiet time to be able to talk about it all.
I have never seen more clearly how children absolutely NEED love and attention in order to grow and thrive -- Buttercup didn't start to gain back her delayed two years when she started getting food, she started to develop physically and mentally when she got LOVE. I think I have enough love and attention to give the children what they NEED right now, but they still have of extra, lonely space in their hearts.
And all of those little hearts are figuratively sniffing the air.... and leading their little bodies straight into the arms of some grandparently love!!
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