On Sunday, we went to church in the morning and a dance performance in the evening. The church service was over two hours and the dance was four hours and started at 6! That's a lot of adventure for a family who has just been walking the dusty road back and forth to school for the last month!
It also proved my instinct of not taking them anywhere was right! I could handle the random insanity from any two kids at a time, but not all three. I don't think that's because there are three of them per se, but because all three are in an unsettled phase of their lives, and everything is WAY too exciting, all the time. Even driving home in the car sent Buttercup into High Manic mode, because she's never been in a car at night and all the lights were super-stimulating.
I also noticed that Hibiscus is doing SO MUCH better than she was six weeks ago, when Daddy left. She was still much more intense and needy than the average child (especially in Uganda), but she didn't immediately stand out to everyone in the vicinity. She's made it into the high end of normal, instead of totally insane!
Hibiscus has attached herself right onto Gramma, and Gramma took care of most of her little needs while we were out. Extra hands make all the logistics easier, but it makes the emotional relationships easier, too! At one point Hibiscus got sweaty, which made her itchy, and then she was scratching and whining and scratching more and getting really upset and frustrated. Gramma washed her neck and arms gently in the sink and kept talking to her to keep her distracted, and after a few minutes she managed to stop scratching long enough to stop itching. If I had been alone, I would have tried to help her, but while I washed her neck and arms the other kids would have started running around the bathroom. Maybe I could have gotten Emerson to distract or hold Buttercup for a moment, but I would have had to wash quickly and be done. Meanwhile, I also have to put Buttercup on and off the potty and wipe her, and hold both of the younger ones up to the sink so they can wash their hands, and hand Emerson the soap and help him rinse it all off, and do all of Buttercup's hand-washing while I did my own. Since Hibiscus's current ability-to-wait level stands at .03 seconds, she would have started jumping and whining and grabbing at my arm if I wasn't paying attention to her, and I would have gotten frustrated that she couldn't see that her brother and sister needed their share of attention, and then I would have gotten internally more frustrated that she wanted attention for something kind of foolish and superficial, while I was trying to manage basic care for the others. But she would have felt neglected and un-cared-for, and because she was itchy she probably would have started into big-gross-motor actions and run out the door or careened around the bathroom, which would have either made me genuinely mad, or she would have hurt herself. I should be an attentive mother for injuries, but I get really, really sick of self-inflicted injuries doing something incredibly stupid, especially when I've told her over and over not to do it.
(Speaking of which, I don't think I've share my very favorite "is this for real?" injury. It was a couple days after her head wound, when it was still sore. She was getting ready for bed, and getting manic, and went diving (literally) into her bed. She popped up, kneeling by her pillows, and started slamming her head on the mattress. Then, without pause, she lifted up the pillow and slammed her head on that part of the bed. There was a book or a toy or something under the pillow, so she slammed her barely-healing forehead right into some hard object at full forward velocity. REALLY??!! Banging your wound into unseen objects is a good idea why....??!!)
So anyways, having loving Gramma hands is helpful with not only the hands part, but with the ability to maintain loving patience between family members.
And then, there is the dance troupe. My husband and I went to the show when he was here, but we decided to leave the older kids behind, because we didn't know if they could handle it. We thought they would have enjoyed it, but it was really a relief to enjoy the show without worrying about them!
Six weeks later, they are two totally different children. Emerson has regained his normal equilibrium after struggling with what it meant to have siblings for the first month or so, and in fact, he has come to a better place than where he had been before they joined our family. He often deflects Hibiscus's grumpy (and probably unconscious) efforts to pick fights, and focuses on something more interesting. He apparently remembers or realizes that it is a really bad idea, with really immediate consequences, to throw a giant fit in public or run away. He still throws fits at home, but he has suddenly developed the vocabulary to say -- well, yell -- something like "I want to just take that plate and smash it all up so it's broken!" which is actually a very healthy release, and we usually can work things from there so he doesn't feel like he needs to do it any more. It usually feels like he kind of WANTS to calm down, and is TRYING to calm down, and if I help meet him with some calm attention like wrapping him up or reading him a book, he usually makes a big effort to do that with me. So I knew the show would be way too late for Emerson, but I didn't have any real fears that he would run away or throw a a screaming fit that would disturb the other people.
I don't have a similar confidence in Hibiscus's ability to control herself, but if we give her attention and something to be interested in, she will stay with that and not tumble off into crazy-land. She does know the facts about staying close to us in public, and although she occasionally forgets, the immediate and constant hand-holds are strikingly boring and she comes right back with those reminders. I wouldn't vouch for her good behavior on a long day of errands, but I thought she would probably be interested enough in the dance that she probably wouldn't bother to throw a fit. Also, her English has improved so much, which makes working together in public a lot more smooth.
Buttercup, on the other hand, is getting to be a lot more of a handful! But at least she's small enough to contain!
The dance was amazing. The dance troupe is made up of people from different tribes, and they perform dances from all over Uganda, interspersed with amusing monologues about the different cultures, and short, funny bits of language. For instance, we heard the greeting rituals from several different cultures. There are 52 indiginous languages in this country, so understanding the idea of difference but similarity is important. They are promoting peace and cross-cultural understanding through dance and music. This is a pleasant idea by American standards, but here in Africa, ethnic warfare, opression, fear, and genocide are real for almost everyone. Everyone my age and above remembers the reign of Idi Amin and Obote, and has stories about how it affected their lives. Violence in the north has only just ended, and many refugees eke out their livings in Kampala. The woman who cleans our house -- despite multiple college degrees, she is grateful for the work -- had her sisters burned alive in their family home. "Peace" is not just a pleasant idea when you really truly know what the opposite means.
The dancing was beautiful, energizing, and athletic. The children were deeply fascinated!
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